I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize