how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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