The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize