Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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