I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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