Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
