When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
