Kareoke will never be a sober sport
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
