I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
