WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
