What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
