Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
