When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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