I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
