i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
