Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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