Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
