Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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