it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
where does the pee come out of this thing
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize