The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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