FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
