Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
