oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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