My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
