He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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