I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Randomize
