dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
