wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
