the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
