I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just invented taco cereal.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize