Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
