my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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