I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
