I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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