My hair reeks of homosexuality.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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