the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
