All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You took a bar mat shot.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize