We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
