I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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