Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
