She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
