if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
