If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize