I can tuck mytits in my pants
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize