Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
