i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
