she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
