hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
