see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
