Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize