I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
