Barsexuality is the new black.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
