so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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