I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
