why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
