; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
