For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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