I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
