Got a toothbrush?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
