yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
