she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
