fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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