I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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