Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
