Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
