I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
