Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
