So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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