i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
