Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
