my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
