No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
FUCK WHALES
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
