uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
